Ghosts of Giving: A Post-Halloween & Pre-Xmas Generosity Lesson

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Halloween has passed and I am nearly ready to tell the kids that their treats have been consumed in large (garbage-bag-sized) mouthfuls by hungry ghosts. The influx of sugar into the house has meant an ear-splitting spike of hyperactivity and misbehavior.

“He stole my candy!”

“She has more chocolate than me!”

(These are the types of phrases that inspire the imminent arrival of said hungry ghosts.)

“Generosity” or the adjective “generous” have been words I’ve used with the kids since they were babies. I like it better than the typical, urging word “share,” even though we as parents invariably tell our battling kids to “share,” by default, when Halloween candy wars start to invade household peace.

It’s not that sharing isn’t important as a concept; it’s more that generosity, to me, is about having the kindness to give without thinking about oneself. Sharing, on the other hand, is about giving some and keeping some. This may be easier for kids to comprehend and accept, but I’m not one to care about age-appropriateness when it comes to concepts. I tell my kids to “be generous” or “show generosity” because I want them to understand that when we give, we don’t always have to retain something for ourselves. We can just let things go. True giving is without the expectation of getting.

All that sounds nice, but after the overflow of Halloween follows the abundance of Christmas. How can we reinforce this concept of generosity when “getting” is what these two holidays seem to communicate to kids? No matter what, those hungry ghosts better come quick to strike an armistice to the candy wars so my children can narrowly avoid Santa passing judgment on the “naughty or nice.”

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Recently, I talked to the kids again about the notion of charities and how there are many children in the world who never get Halloween candy or Christmas presents at all! (And not just because they don’t celebrate these festivals.) For kids, it’s really not easy to imagine the lives of other children who aren’t as lucky as they are.

So, I proposed a deal: with every Christmas gift they’d like to receive, one item from their toy boxes must be removed to be donated to charity. I explained that if some kids weren’t going to be getting presents this year, maybe it was time for my kids to be the givers themselves. They could be like Santa, I said.

This message got through. Already, they have sorted many toys they don’t play with anymore and would like to give away. The arguing about items has been kept to a minimum and they’re keen on making a trip to Roundabout before the holidays. What’s more, both kids are very proud that their stack of giveaway toys are much more numerous than the items on their wish list to Santa. Perhaps this means they’re getting closer to truly understanding the meaning of generosity after all.

Then, my nearly-eight-year-old daughter had a very interesting insight:

“Mommy?” she asked, “You know those hungry ghosts you say are going to come and eat our Halloween candy? Maybe they’re not really hungry. Maybe they just want to give our candy to kids who didn’t get any on Halloween?”

I smiled at her. She continued.

“But then we can’t call them hungry ghosts anymore.”

“Okay,” I answered, curiously. I wasn’t sure where she was going with this as I took in her mischievous smirk. “What should we call them, then?”

“GENEROUS GHOSTS!” she yelled out, laughing.

And so it was that Halloween finally ended. Merry Christmas to me!

About the Writer

Ember Swift is a Canadian musician and writer who has been living in Beijing since late 2008. She has a daughter called Echo (国如一) and a son called Topaz or “Paz” (国世龙).

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Photos: Unsplash, Ember Swift 

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